A gentle note on struggling

"If you are scared, just be scarier than whatever is scaring you!" - Thumper Rabbit, Bambi

The other day as I was searching Pinterest, my heart suddenly became an anchor. It hit the bottom of the ocean floor without a submarine for protection. Naturally underwater the heart begins to beat faster and faster. I laid my head back and closed my eyes shut. My legs began to shake in a tick. In such moments of anxiety, I normally grab out a deck of cards and begin to shuffle frantically. At that moment, I had happened to grab a pair of tarot cards and one card flew out like a paper plane onto the table.

Temperance. It depicted a witch balancing up right in prayer with one eyed open. Surrounding her was a messy room. One eye was open, looking intently forward. A look of positivity in her lush blue eyes. It was as if no matter how messy her room got, she still managed to balance on one foot and look straight ahead. Struggling can feel like that. You are at a standstill as you watch your room get messier and messier. Books, blankets, and plates jumble more out of place. There it being nothing else to do but maintain your grip and look ahead, wiping away a tear or two. That’s how I felt in that anxiety attack. 

But as a person who took up tarot as a hobby in this pandemic, I learned that the Temperance card represents balance, patience, and long term stability. Specifically, it represents this need to remain calm, steadfast, and ride the wave. Looking at that witch, I felt this adrenaline shrivel up my spine. Not the kind of adrenaline that triggered fight or flight, but empowered me to slowly take a huge breath of air. Looking down at the card I thought “If I imagine myself as this witch, then technically no matter how messy my room looks, I can still stand on one foot. I can remain calm and ride my 500 ft Lituya Bay Wave”. 

My fingers began to tremor less as so my legs, and slowly my heart. I found myself staring at this little soft card. I looked at the witch with sweat and sorrow. She winked back with a look of hope. My paper plane delivered me the most insightful reminder I had desperately needed. And I would like to deliver the same message here.  Regardless of whether you believe in Tarot, you in the moment have all the tools you need to keep your balance. There will be no challenge brave enough to knock you off your toes, unless you let it. Surely the friendly witch on the card didn’t. Everything you need is already there, as long as you keep one eye open to look. You are powerful. You are tougher than you think. Trust that.