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Can not fitting in be a good thing?

The grass is always greener on the other side – isn’t it? Or at least when I started my university tour, I thought so. The University of Michigan: so prestigious, elegant, and energetic. I tingled all over in excitement that this is where I would spend my next four years. Obviously, as a then naive high school graduate, I was confident my next chapter would change my life for the better. And I can say it definitely did. But nowhere near in the way I had dreamed of. 

Upon my arrival of freshman year, my overwhelming sense of optimism for my new surroundings motivated me to dream big and explore new endeavors. I was a college newbie nurtured with an Ivy League Mentality. I don’t blame myself. I deserved to indulge in the fruits of my labor, as short lived as it lasted. My first month was messier then ever. I wasn’t startled by the daily academic rigor or grueling time commitments. Rather, I was taken aback by the community. Students, I observed, were overall active, accomplished, and friendly. But also stuck up, very surface level, and very stressed out. Nobody talked in any classes. There were thousands of clubs and after choosing a few that seemed interesting, I still wasn’t able to socially gel with a lot of students. And the rather notorious environment fostered by Greek Life is a topic to delve in for another day. 

My soon to be semester to the next year and a half became a journey to find my niche. My home in my “home.” Hearing the constant, “Put yourself out there” preached by every college student on YouTube and professor became as laborious as it was to execute. I continued to ask myself, “Is it this hard to fit in?” I desperately wanted to convince myself no. So I tried to take on different opportunities to make friends with some successes and more failures. At the end of the day, I was left feeling a great deal of emotional unfulfillment. I didn’t want to be too hard on myself because of the outside health issues I experienced, but it stung.

However, things changed at the end of my Sophomore year, when I found myself getting more passionate about being involved with mental health on campus. This led me to join an organization called Michigan Heart Listens: a peer support line to aid students in need with their mental health. I trained to be a supporter and learned how to engage in encouraging dialogue towards students who reached out for help. I still remember my final practice conversation. It lasted about two hours. I did my best to exercise compassion and inculcate a casual flow throughout the conversation. And with every line, I felt like I was making little strides towards making a difference. To be able to give to others the support I needed when I was a freshman felt so liberating. That satisfying small moment of service felt like my own lonely struggles were worth it. It gave me an inner strength to use my own challenges as a tool to be able to help others, even if the conversation only lasted ten minutes. This internal humbling made me realize my true strengths, the ability to listen and guide. It shined light on a greater purpose. My greater purpose: to help people in some way. 

That “way”  still remains unknown. But more importantly, this moment of clarity showed me that my differences weren’t meant to be changed. In some way, me not fitting in this social template could possibly be my greatest strength. As frustrating as it may be to not fit in, I take comfort in knowing that someday someone may find hope in what I don’t have.

7 Comments

  • Suzanne
    December 31, 2020 at 11:56 pm

    Never change who you are….your reasons will come and you will change the world

    Reply
    • meethi
      January 1, 2021 at 12:00 am

      Thank you so much! Very much appreciated:)

      Reply
  • Kaitlyn Rowe
    January 1, 2021 at 12:03 am

    This is a lovely post and very insightful. I have a blog called The Young Adult Club with Kaitlyn Rowe and it’s a lifestyle blog for teens and young adults like us. I had a hard time fitting in growing up and I feel like I still do to an extent to this day. I enjoyed reading your post and I look forward to viewing your blog again more in the future. Happy 2021

    Reply
    • meethi
      January 1, 2021 at 12:22 am

      Thank you so much! It’s definitely a struggle but perhaps not fitting in is the point to why we are here. I am so glad you enjoyed my post! Looking forward to reading your content as well:)

      Reply
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    • meethi
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    December 29, 2022 at 5:21 pm

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